if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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