Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
