I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
