Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He better not be in your backpack
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
