Having a random hookup so left but love u
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
