Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
