There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
