Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
