I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
