I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
