Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
