Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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