I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
