I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
