Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
