so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
