Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize