TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
