did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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