If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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