Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
