sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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