And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
