Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
