i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
