I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
