I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
