I love black thongs
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
