it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
