Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
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