Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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