those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
