my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
