Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
