Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
