She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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