so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
