Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
