READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
