May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
