Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
