I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
