So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
