So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
