So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
