So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
