The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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