I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
