I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
