Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
