I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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